a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
