a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
