I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
