You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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