ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
