I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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