i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
