Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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