i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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