thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
