Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
