I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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