Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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