just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
