Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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