just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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