Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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