I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
