Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
