he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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