I just cut my nipple shaving
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
