When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That accounts for only three of the penises
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
