New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
