yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
