i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
