I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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