My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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