Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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