I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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