she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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