Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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