Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
