I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
