i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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