he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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