I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
