the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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