Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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