where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
