Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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