Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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