OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
