I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
