I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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