So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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