oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
