peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
