so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
