I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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