Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
