God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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