wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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