You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
