Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
