You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize