Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
