I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
