i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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