i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
