Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
