I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
