Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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