I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
