You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
