So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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