Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
