just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize