dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
