Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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