Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
