Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
