what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
