I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
