The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
