So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
