i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
