I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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