So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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