Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
